im sure no one but a few people besides myself read this, and i am fine with that
i cant believe how time has flew.
I am sitting here, thinking about when i first made this blog, and the reason i made it.
and yet here i am, talking about idle things like pixie hollow or other news when in fact this blog is only supposed to be about me myself & I. My journey to becoming a cosplayer, and to become a cosplayer i [obviously] have to loose enough weight to look like the characters i want to portray. but i have lost my motivation and i feel devistated. I had lost 12 pounds, and now i have put back practically all of it because i have not managed my time, and i have stopped exercising. I remember in the beginning of the blog i had places where i said how much i exercised, how much i ate and everything like that but i have changed, and not for the better. looking back, i thought that i would be a good 30 pounds lighter by now
[if i would of stayed on track i really would have....]
and that is another reason why i am not playing ph. i just dont know whats wrong with me. i have lost myself. i remember how it feels, and i know why i want to cosplay, its just so hard. and anyone who is reading this knows that losing weight is hard, and of course for some people gaining weight is hard too.
[grass is always greener on the other side effect]
well, this is a weight loss blog, and yet i have not even been talking about that stuff. probably because i am trying to run away from it. i want to live in a fantasy world where everything is perfect but its not like that!!
i have woken up, and this is it. i will make no promises, because there is no need to. I have fixed myself, and i now understand that i once had the fire to do it, i mean, 12 pounds doesnt seem like alot but just keep losing 12 pounds, 12 pounds, and it adds up!
since this is MY blog, i am free to write pretty much whatever, so if you dont like reading this, move on.
I welcome people to watch my journey but i am basically writing all of this out not for you, but for me.
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in other news,
anime conji started yesterday. sad i couldnt go but as long as i get to go to comic con i am happy. btw
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i had told myself that i would cosplay for 2011CC
but now i fear i am too late, it is possible to loose a good deal of weight in 3 months, but it wont be enough for me to feel comfortable and confident enough to wear a cosplay, [not to mention the fact that i have to actually save up enough money to buy my cosplay outfit.....]
so although it seems like my cosplay debut has already been pushed back a year. no matter, i will cosplay, next year and that is a fact, these things take time. time i dont really want to waste anymore. and i am sad that i wont be able to do it this year, but i want to walk around looking alot like my chara. and that just wont happen by this july.
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so i was reading a few posts about how asians are naturally skinny, and me being bigger than average it makes me feel bad for people that are normal or maybe even smaller. what does it feel like to be average american, or even a small american and you get to these countries [china, skorea, jp]
and you find yourself wearing a large! when you wear a small or extra small over here, it isnt very good for your self confidence, i'll tell you that but just remember. all that matters is how you feel. if you are comfortable with how you look and feel, the size on the clothes is just a number. [of course i am talking to people who are at a good size and dont need to loose weight, health wise...]
you have to think about, that the majority of asians are small built. so they already have that working in their favor...basically what im saying is, you cant be something your just not. you can get close, but there isnt a need to be something your not anyways.
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on average i am supposed to be 116-135 [taking height into account]
my dream number is 115/medium
however. i have already talked it over with myself [haha..]
and if i feel perfect at another weight [like 120/125]
then there is no need to keep going.
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